Speak: May 2010

My heart was beating unbelievable fast that I was scared everyone in the fucking building can hear it. I have been involved with robberies before, but I’ve always been on the other side. I’m usually calm and in control of my actions, I follow my orders and complete the task that I was given. My heart would always fill with pride when I get everyone out of the building safe and alive, while the chief locks up the bad guys. I really love my job, but right now, all my skills and training are fucking useless and their was panic feeling that was sitting in the pit of my stomach crawling it’s way up the surface.

I’m sitting on the cold god damn marble floor of a small bank in forks with my head in my fucking hands praying that I get out of here safe and alive… and I better get out soon.

I need to get back to my kids and the love of life.

I can feel my eyes fill when I think that I may not see my family again, I finally have everything I’ve ever dreamed off and that tall blond haired son of bitch - that is pacing in front of me - can take everything away any fucking minute.

I thought about my son and how he has been my rock for the last three years, he captured my heart the moment he was born with his big green eyes and crooked smile. It still amazes me how much he looks like me, my mums loves that Anthony is a mini me, she never liked his mother. He is my pride and joy, he saved from the man whore playboy that I used to be and I couldn’t have been more grateful for that.

Than I thought about my little princess and how she melts my heart every time I see or think about her. She has been making so much process since I met her, I couldn’t help but falling in love with her warm heart, her shy gentle smile and how I crave the need to protect her from all the bad in the world. She was my princess, my little girl …

I felt the tears fall on my hands, I am never ashamed of crying but I don’t usual do it in front of anyone but my mom and the love of light. God my heart ached when I thought of my girl, I could not lose her, I just found her. She is the only women who has ever completed me, all of me, heart, body and soul.

I long to have her in my arms and tell her how much I love her, make love to her, cherish her every minute I spend with her. She had healed me, she has opened up my heart and sealed it with love and passion that I never knew existed, she is my angel who was send to rescue me and my son, she showed us what happiness and love really was, and for the first time, my life was complete, my family was complete. I could not leave my family… I will not leave my family.

I was pulled away from my thought when I heard that bastard start shouting at a women who was sat across from me.

“Shut up” he yelled at her “ I told you not to speak.”

The young women pulled her son closer to her and cried into his hair. At that moment I was thankful that my family was not with me, at least I knew they were safe outside in the car.

“ No-one talk or I will start shooting” he yelled turning in a circle waving his fucking gun at everyone. I closed my eyes and continued to think of my life that was only a few feet away .

***

A couple of hours had passed and I was still sitting on the floor, I had been thinking of all the things that I want to do with my family when I get out of here when I realised that the robber had been very quiet, maybe if I can get him to talk to me, explain his reasons for his action I can convince him to let us go. Explain my job and position in the town, I can maybe make a deal with him. I was thinking of different ways to approach him with my decision when I hear the women scream. Without thinking I was on my feet and rushing towards the where I heard the screaming come from.

“Get off her, let her fucking go you bastard” I yelled at him

I pulled his arm away from the small women that he had pinned on the one of the desk. I looked at the women and could see the fear and relief in her eyes. Her back was on the top of the desk and her legs dangling from the side, her body was shaking and tears were silently running down her face.

I felt my hand clutch into a fist as he stared at me with his dull dark dirty gray eyes, his chest was moving up and down from the his fast heavy breathing. His mouth was in a straight line, he glared at me with anger and rage. I’m sure I looked the same as him as I can feel the anger building inside me.

“ I warned you” he spit in my face, he was standing in front of me, face to face, his nostrils flared. I just wanted to go home and this fucking prick was really pissing me off.

“ I. don’t. care.” I said every word slowly and harshly.

“Leave her alone and let us fucking go” I had had enough, I had just lost 4 hours of my life that I was not getting back, and he wasn’t getting any more. I was going home right now.

He laughed in my face.

“ Make me” he challenged and to prove his point, he grabbed the women again by the hair. She yelled with the pain and the next thing I knew my hand moulted into a fist and made connected with his face, I had no control over my actions as the anger had taken over me.

He took a couple of seconds to realise what happened, then he let go of the girl and lunched at me, knocking both of us on the floor. There were punches and kicks being thrown in every direction as we rolled around on the floor, I tried to block out the screams in the background as we continued to roll around like a couple of 5 years olds.

The robber brought his hand up and punched me in the eye with the back of the gun. The next thing I knew he was on top of me fucking punching my face with his fist, I brought my right knee up and kicked the fucker in the side to get him off me, causing him to drop his gun on the floor. I had about 30 seconds to grab the gun and end this nightmare, but the robber must have noticed my plan and we both jumped towards it at the same time.

With both of our hands on the guns, I tired to kick, punch, bite him, I even pulled the fuckers greasy blond like a girl would trying to get him to drop the gun. However he was stronger than I would have guessed and he was attacking me with just as much force as I was. He grabbed the side of my face, pulled my head off the floor and then banged it against the marble ground. I could feel a sharp pain ripped through my whole body. I tried to focus on where the gun was and not the pain in my head.

“Fucking let go” he yelled at me, I growled in response, I was not letting go, my life depended on it.

He looked at me while he grabbed my hair again, I knew he was about to bang my head against the marble again so I quickly pulled my head back and smashed it against his head with as much force as I could. We both groaned in pain from the impact our head created while our hands still fumbled around the gun.

“I’m going to fucking kill you for that” he snickered, I lunged forward at his body while trying to pull the gun from his hand, hoping I could distract him enough to steal the gun. I could feel it slipping from his hand so I pulled closer to me , any second and all this would end. He pulled the gun in the opposite directions and we continued to roll around on the floor. I don’t know how but I managed to pin him underneath me, my knees had his thighs pinned to the ground but both of our hand were still pulling at the gun back and fourth between us.

I suddenly froze and my eyes grew wide as I heard the gun fire.

I looked into the robbers face and his were as wide as mine staring straight into mine. I didn’t have time to think of what just happened. I could hear the screams that surrounded me, my body suddenly grew heavy and I swayed a little.

I jumped when the gun fired again.

The screams grew louder and my body grew heavier, I could not longer feel my legs and I felt like my arms were about to fall off, so I swayed my body to the side until I fell on the floor. I couldn’t move anymore, there was a sharp pain in my head and a burning pain going inside of me. I looked over my shoulder trying to see if the robber was still there but everything was blurry and I couldn’t focus on anything.

So I though about my amazing family and how much I loved them, I prayed that they would be safe, I prayed that they could forgive me, I prayed that I could see them right now, hear their voices, I prayed for my life, all I could do was pray and I did.

I continued to pray as the blackness took over me.